Subject: Introductory Letter
Dear Prof Blackstone,
I am writing this letter to formally introduce myself. I hope you will find this letter exciting and valuable. My name is Nefin Chang. I am a year 1 Mechanical Engineering student attending your critical thinking and communication module.
I graduated from Singapore Polytechnic in 2023 with a diploma in aeronautical engineering. The reason I chose to pursue engineering in polytechnic was simple. I enjoyed doing mathematics back in secondary school and my father was an engineer. My interest in engineering grew progressively during my internship where I was part of the structural design team in Singapore Technology Engineering Aerospace where I had the opportunity to participate in the design phase of the Boeing 757 passenger to tanker conversion project. Over the course of my 6 months internship, I was fascinated by how my mentors were able to apply their engineering knowledge to solve real-world problems. Even though I dread waking up early for internship, a part of me would still look forward to work the next day as every day felt different. Every day offered a non-stop and ever-changing challenge to solve. Seeing how the project has evolved over the months, I felt a sense of satisfaction at the end of my internship. This led to my decision to further my studies in mechanical engineering, to strengthen my engineering foundation.
An area of weakness would be inability to articulate my thoughts effectively. This is due to my relatively weak foundation in english, where I would often find myself speaking and writing in improperly structure english. Which makes it hard to get my idea across. However, it is something that have been working on. Thus, I feel that my ability to accept constructive feedback has played a crucial role, as I have seen improvements made since my first presentation back in polytechnic.
My goals for this module are to improve my ability to communicate my ideas clearly and to be more confident when communicating with others. I believe that knowledge acquired in this module would be useful in my everyday life too, as successful communication can deepen relations in personal life and professional life. I look forward to learning and improving myself in your class.
Best regards,
Nefin
In the terms of organization, I love the clear paragraphing which gives a pleasant reading experience. I like that you share your interest in math and science, and also introduce your dad an engineer too. Internship is a turning point in your engineering pathway, just like most of us here. Nothing beats the hands on work. I saw your weakness due to weak foundation in English. I strongly believe there are 2 types of people, those who are strong in languages and those who excel in Math&Science. I believe most of us here including you is the latter. You clearly stated your key points, making it easy for reading. Overall, very concise and informative. 👍
ReplyDeleteHello Nefin👋🏻
ReplyDeleteI really love your introduction, keep it formal yet friendly and light.
It is really amazing that you got such a good experience at your internship and it further grow your interests into engineering. I saw you stating that you are slightly weaker in English and got to admit your email is pretty impressive with good flows and "not that i could find" mistakes. You explain your key points clearly and I am looking forward to see you accomplish your goals! 💪🏻
Hey Nefin, Great job on the letter. great to find someone that graduated from the same school, course and even share the same passion.
ReplyDeleteIt is good that you are following the PEEL format which made it easy to read and understand. you mentioned your weakness is your "inability to articulate your thoughts effectively" but it is also reasuring to hear that you are taking steps to work on it. As for the language used, goos grammar and vocab use and I specifically enjoyed the part where you introduced yourself.
however, as there are always room for improvement, firstly, you only mentioned your weakness. Though it is great that you are addressing it, you could also add some personal strengths. For example, you mentioned" ever-changing challenge" in your internship, you could have wrote that you were also resiliant and adaptable to changes.
Overall it was a good letter! and I wich you all the best in your goal of achieveing your goals. Hope to hear you more in class!
Hello Nefin! I have enjoyed reading your introductory letter. It's great to hear that your fruitful experience have lead to your burning passion in engineering. I'm glad to find someone who loves to do mathematics as well! I am able to relate to your weakness. Just like you, due to weak foundation in English, I am unable to properly relay my thoughts to speech.
ReplyDeleteI believe you have done well in explaining your background/experience, and goals you want to achieve in Critical Thinking and Communications. However, for your strengths and weakness in communicating, I believe you do have your strengths that you have yet to state in the letter. Other than that, great job on the language used and organisation!
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteDear Nefin,
ReplyDeleteThank you for the well crafted and informative letter. I especially appreciate learning about how the development of your interest in engineering stemmed from your dad being one. You also do a fine job elaborating on your internship and how that also underpinned your growing connection with the industry.
I'm also impressed by how you describe your comm skills, though you need a transition as you move from comm skills weakness to strength.
You language in this letter is fluent but there are a few areas to review:
1. verb issues
-- Even though I dread waking up early for internship, .... > (verb tense: past or presnt?) ?
-- Seeing how the project has evolved over the months, I felt a sense of satisfaction at the end of my internship. > (has or had evolved?) ?
2. sentence structure
-- Which makes it hard to get my idea across. > (fragment)
-- However, it is something that have been working on. > ?
3. miscellaneous
-- in improperly structure english > structured English :)
I look forward to learning more about you this term.
Best wishes,
Brad